Pressing Onward

There has been nothing much to report these days… at least nothing very exciting or wonderful.  I’ve been laid up on several occasions, after long periods in the dentist’s chair.  The bill continues to climb well beyond the original estimates, so I have to lean on God to provide somehow.  Typically, the feeling I get is, “What was I called here to do?”  Things are taking place, but nothing that anyone else would be interested in.  It is one of those “dry times” that we all experience.  We continue to wait on God and His direction, and try and fill the time with something as we wait.  It can feel as if God is a million miles away during these times.  We can feel as if we missed something somewhere.  I certainly do not feel the flow of the anointing… so I wait, and wait, and wait some more.

I do some reading.  I spent quite a bit of time in Psalms and still have a ways to go before finished there.  I also continue to study Josephus and his writing on “The Antiquities of the Jews.”  This reading is absolutely fascinating.  It fills in so much historical information on the Old Testament.  There is so much that Josephus writes that opens up the meanings and events of the Old Testament.  It also corrects and redirects some of the incorrect teachings and understandings that revolve around the Old Testament.  Anyone who really wants to understand the Bible better, should dig into and chew on the writings of Josephus.  There is much to be gained by it.  I cannot recommend it enough.

Another thing that is filling some spaces of time is an attempt to learn some Spanish.  I often think I may be trying for too much in this area.  It wears me out terribly, and it does not take long to get worn out.  The memory I once had is not working that way these days.  This makes it even more difficult.  But, if God will support me in these things, I can learn at least a little bit.  Although, I was hoping and praying for that specific gift of tongues, it has not come as yet.  So, I press on as best I can for now.

God continues to use ships as markers for me to encourage me in knowing my steps are ordered by Him.  I do not recall if I posted anything about the last few times that the Lord used ships in this way, to confirm things to me.  I will need to review and maybe post something about this, if I missed it.  However, while on the subject of God using ships… below is a picture of Noah’s Ark, which a carpenter built in a European country (I believe it is in Sweden).  The ship is built to full scale.  Although there are some minor variations to the true plans that Noah built by, you can still get an idea of the enormity of the vessel.  Keep in mind, they did not have power-tools in Noah’s day, and any lumber had to be cut down, shaped, and dried, before it could be used.  It was a massive undertaking, even with today’s equipment.  Imagine the efforts of those in Noah’s day.  PRESS ON!

My Yoke Is Light??

I wrote out a few things in the past days regarding situations that I needed to record and sort out.  Sometimes it helps to put them into ‘written’ words to be able to examine the thoughts better.  It is difficult to nail down a thought, unless words are assigned to it.  It also helps in that it is kind of like having a discussion with someone about the issue.  This is really needed in this day – Someone you can have an honest and open discussion with.  As long as the talk remains superficial and light, everything is fine.  Keep smiling and telling everyone that all is Wonderful!  Just Praise Jesus!  Lie if you have to; just don’t confide anything too difficult or involved.  That’s when you get the response… “You just need more Jesus”.  Or the… “I’ll pray for you” response.  What about the… “Tell me your troubles” response?  Even Jesus had 12 to open up to, and 3 of them were in His inner-circle.  God said, “It is NOT good for man to be alone.”  Yet God walked with Adam in the garden, in the cool of the day.  Adam had full fellowship with God, yet God knew Adam needed someone of his own kind to be with.  Where does the church get this foolish thinking that we just need Jesus and no one else in our life?  It comes mainly from those who have many people in their own lives, and do not have a clue what they are talking about.

We certainly do want to praise Jesus and be thankful to God for many things.  But I don’t see anywhere in the bible where it says that we are to lie to one another, and pretend to be in a state of constant joy and happiness, in order to be accepted.  As anyone who reads the bible should know, this is not at all what God wants.

As I was reading Psalms again, I came across Psalm 88.  Wow!  The writer of this Psalm is a knuckle-head, by current religious teachings.  He just needs to “Get over himself;” to take from a well-known, televised teacher.  Although, I have studied many various translations of the bible, I have yet to find the translation that speaks of when Jesus had someone come to Him with a problem, and He told them they just needed to praise God more.  Jesus listened to the troubles.

Job’s friends did the right thing for Job, at first anyway.  They sat quietly with Job and listened.  Then they began to behave just like the modern church – They began to point fingers at what Job had done wrong, even though they had no knowledge of such.  They were certain that Job deserved what came upon him.  Instead of encouraging Job and standing by him and trying to assist in some way, they began to accuse and tear Job down.  They added to Job’s torment, rather than holding Job up.

There have been numerous times in my life when another was going through tough times.  Ignorantly, I took the time to listen, and gave them my undivided attention.  I prayed silently about the things I heard and waited for God to speak to me on them, before I uttered a word.  If God did not speak, neither did I.  I simply let them get it out.  Sometimes that is all that is needed.  Sometimes, God would provide some probing questions to help them find their own answers.  These questions were never condescending or troubling in any way.  Admittedly, many times such interchanges would leave me drained, but I knew it helped them, so it was time well spent and the drained feeling I had was also accompanied with a warm and relaxed feeling of knowing God used me to help another.

Maybe fewer people would need professional counseling if the church would do what it was meant to do – Lift one another up in faith and carry one-another’s burdens.

The Yoke is light – But not if you carry it alone.

Best If Not Read (Random Babblings)

Maybe some of you can relate to some of this – Maybe you are better off to wait for a different posting and ignore this one completely…  At least you can’t say I didn’t warn you….

Another year older, but seemingly no wiser

Purpose:  What is one’s purpose in life?  How many of us ask this question?  Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do here?  What is the mark I leave?  What is the difference I make?  Is there even a purpose or mark or difference to be made at all?

On occasion, I seem to get a fleeting glimpse of my purpose and use in this world, but then it scurries away and I am left wondering again.  Perhaps, I missed it somewhere?  How do I go back and find it?  Truth is – I can’t go back.  We cannot roll back the years.  We cannot restore that which is unrestorable.  This is especially true when it involves others, who have no desire to see such things restored.  So, we must go on.  Time waits for no one.

The next question is then, how do I go on, and in what capacity?  What is the goal?  What is my purpose, is the question that comes right back around again.  I didn’t know this when I sat down here, so how on earth am I to know it now?  Though I have sought to know this purpose for the better part of the last 14 or 15 years, I can only say that I am no closer now than when I started.  Even before this timeframe, I only “thought” I knew my purpose, but it was an illusion.  The day before Christmas of 2011, one of my sisters proclaimed to me that my life has been a waste, until just a couple years ago.  I walked out and refused to accept that proclamation.  In retrospect, she was still wrong.  The last couple years have been no more fruitful than the previous 50 years.  In fact, all I built and strived for, for those 50 years, brings no joy and there is no fulfillment in any of it.

I see others enjoying the fruit of their labors and wonder why I cannot seem to find the same happiness in the fruit of my labors.  When I attempt to confide in another brother or sister of faith, a fellow Christian, I end up feeling rebuked by them.  How do they enjoy the luxuries of this world and all the material things and I cannot?  If I had any hopes of being “normal” and enjoying life’s pleasures, those hopes are quickly smashed upon the rocks, and I feel I am even less “normal” than I first started.  So, it is best to keep silent and shut down; just turn all of it inward and bury it deeper.  Perhaps I might deny it to the point that it no longer exists.  To bring it forward for examination, and hopefully released, only brings reprimand.

I certainly understand why people want nothing to do with someone so broken-down.  They enjoy their lives and I cannot seem to enjoy mine.  They have “seasons” of despair, and I seem to continually live in that “season”.  It is not something I want, but I am saddled with it, just the same.  Many times, I am a drag to be around.  I know this and no one knows how desperately I want rid of this, but it is like being covered head-to-toe in tar and trying to shake it off of you.  It does not work.  I can scrape at it with my fingers and remove parts of it, but that portion just moves from that part to my fingers.  I am not eliminating it, but simply rearranging it.

The good side is that I can minister to others at times.  Out of this hurt, I can relate to those who are going through hardships.  I can empathize with their seasons of hardship, since I seem to live permanently in that season (even though I can fake it long enough at times, so people actually think I am doing better, inside, I am still falling apart).  I can recognize hurt that others are oblivious to.  I can look at a person and see it.  Many think they are hiding it.  And, in all truth, they definitely are hiding it from everyone around them – But I can see it in them.

Sometimes, I sense it, but cannot actually see it.  People who have had years of hurts put upon them, can get good at covering it up.  However, their spirit will usually give them away.  On a few occasions, I simply touched another person and instantly felt such hurt.  It can overpower you.  In an English speaking community, I could work with this and minister as needed and led by God.  But here it is different.  I have never experienced so much hurt before, and I do not speak the language.  But the obstacles do not stop there.

The last time I was here, God spoke to me of someone’s hurt and the troubles they went through, but He did not tell me any details at all.  He only showed deep previous hurt that continued to torment the person.  God did not give me any words of encouragement, except to say that He knew of their troubles.  So, I proclaimed that they had seen great hardships and proceeded to ask God what to do with this information.  There was no reply.  I did not have enough understanding to know what or how to pray.  There I stood – Dumbfounded.  This kind of thing is very unnerving.  What does a person do in such a situation?  As many times as this has taken place, I do not have any understanding of what to do or where to go from there.  The last thing I want to do is proceed under my own thinking, but there is little else I can do at such a point.  In that instance, the woman at least spoke English, and I did not feel her hurt.  God only provided me with a limited “knowledge” of them.

Yesterday, a similar situation took place, but in a much different way.  God had given me a word for this woman once before, during my last visit here.  He told me what to tell her, but shared nothing of her hurt and details of her situation.  She only speaks Spanish, and the interpreter conveyed the message.  She was the first person I ministered to, during my last visit.  It was simple.  I never had any more words with her since then.

Then, yesterday, during the first, Sunday service since my return, the same woman was the first in the prayer line.  I was urged to step forward to minister, but I felt very uneasy about it.  I was more than a little reluctant.  (I think much had to do with issues I have been struggling with for many months, since my last visit.  Things along the lines of those mentioned earlier in this posting)  I put up a shield and prayed out of what little knowledge God had provided me in that moment.  As best I could, I prayed out of my own mind, based on His very few words to me.  I was totally lost.  I had no idea where to go or how to get there.  Here was a married, Spanish-speaking woman, in dire need of ministering, am I am standing there, not knowing a thing to do, but pray out of my own mind.  In my heart, I was screaming out to God to get me out of there or lead me in ministering to her.  One or the other had to happen.  I stepped back and began to struggle to seek the leading of the Spirit.

I turned to Pastor Philip, who was sitting in a chair behind me.  He had preached the message, so I was hoping he would be moving, based on the message.  He did not offer assistance.  It is often difficult to minister to the message given by another pastor, especially, if that message did not stir our own spirit.  Although, it was a good message, and well needed by many, I believe the struggles I have been pressing through have made it increasingly difficult to connect with some messages.  Thankfully, Pastor John stepped in and began to minister to the woman in Spanish.  I continued to pray in the Spirit and remained until Pastor John finished.  Then I continued in English, while another translated what little I was able to utter.  During this, I lowered my “shield” and suddenly I felt her pain.  I still had no understanding of the source.  All I knew was of a severely broken heart.  But why?  Lord, what am I to say?  I fought back the tears and begged God to comfort her and give her peace and to heal the wounds that went so deep.  I did not know how to comfort her.  I only knew I felt so terrible for her and so helpless in being able to minister to her.  I had no answers or guidance for her.  I had no understanding of the source of her pain.  I only know it hurt, and hurt deep and long and hard.  She was the only one I ministered to yesterday morning, and I feel I had no effect – But the effect on me was profound.  I struggled all of Sunday and still the struggle continues on Monday.  I spoke with a few others, but my heart stayed fixed on the woman and my not knowing what to do.  I wanted so very much to simply stop trying to speak, and to just put my arms around her and cry with her, but there was no way I could allow that to take place, for many obvious reasons.

Last evening, we went over to Mexico.  I could not get the events of the morning out of my spirit.  I went inside and helped to set up for service.  Then I sat down, but soon I felt more and more panic.  I had to get outside.  I felt so terrified at the potential of having to try and minister and I could not.  All day, I had been reading Psalms and I remained outside the meeting and sat at a table, under a tree, and continued to read.

When the message was being preached, I finally wandered back inside; comfortable that I would not be called upon to speak.  I was relieved to think I would be able to remain in the background.  After the message, I ended up being called forward to minister to a man, whom I do not believe could speak English.  Again, I struggled to prophesy things into his life and spirit.  I made these requests known to the Lord and asked His fulfilling of them.  But, the strains of the past months and the events of the morning continued to haunt my spirit.  I felt I was praying and speaking forth into a solid wall.  The words fell flat.  They seemed to have no life.  “I” seemed to have no life.

Another event that took place yesterday morning happened during worship time.  There was a literal, physical weight that began to press down on me as I worshipped.  It was like the hand of God was pushing me down.  The pressure became more and more intense.  My knees began to buckle and my back began bend over from the strain.  It pressed against my head; making it difficult to lift my head.  I struggled more and more to withstand the load.  I thought to just give way and to fall, face down, on the floor.  I would have done this without a problem, but for whatever reason I believed that I needed to withstand the weight – Yield to a degree – But do not cave into it.  By the time worship was finished, it felt as if my left hip was out of joint.  I limped about as I tried to greet people.  Within a few minutes, the pain subsided and I was walking normal again.  I could speculate what was happening, but that is all it would be.  So, I will wait for a revelation regarding it.  Sometimes, it has been years before God will provide some bit of understanding to an event.  Even then, He sometimes only provides partial understanding.  I have had to learn to simply accept such things and wait on Him.  That does not mean that doing so is easy.  I can assure you – Easy, it is not.

It is now well after 2 p.m. on Monday, and I have no further understanding of what God is showing me.  In fact, with each day I feel more confused and of less and less understanding of what God is doing.  As always, I trust Him – But I do not trust me.  Without Him to guide me, I am unsure what I should be doing each day, or at any portion of the day.

I felt strongly that I was to be here for the corn harvest; though I did not know when that took place.  Originally, I planned to leave Ohio today.  I ended up feeling to leave over a week earlier.  Today started the corn harvest.  Without realizing it, things came to pass in the timing I felt they were.  This is one confirmation to me that I was following correctly.  I wondered if I was to help, but I do not speak Spanish and there was no interpreter.  So, I am here in time for the corn harvest, but it seems I am not to be involved with it.  This leaves me to wonder why I am to be here for it.

Several months ago, I purchased a new welding helmet.  My old one was not working properly, so I replaced it; though I never used the new one as yet.  As I was preparing to leave, I felt led to bring the new helmet and my other welding apparel.  I did not know why, but thought maybe I was to repair something during the corn harvest.  Since I got here, I found out that the man who works in the warehouse here is learning to weld, so today I got out the new helmet and opened the package.  I got out my other welding items too, and figured that perhaps this is at least part of the reason for my bringing the items.  However, the helmet I purchased was not the helmet I thought it was and I cannot use it.  I put it back in the package and returned all the items to the trunk of the car.  Since I purchased it at TSC, I cannot return or exchange it until I get back home.  I prayed as I purchased it, but it seems maybe I either heard incorrectly or there is something else going on that I have not yet realized or understood.  So, I again wonder, what am I missing?

Moment by moment, and day by day… Even month by month, it seems the questions continue to pile up and answers are a rare commodity.  Even when an answer does come, it usually just generates a lot more questions.

Again I ask, what is the purpose here?  It seems that I am missing something in all of this.  The generality of it is clear enough.  Where and how I am to fit in and how I am to contribute is probably the biggest question.  But it doesn’t matter if it is the biggest question, or the smallest, either way, or in-between, I have far fewer answers than questions, and at this point in my life I really thought things would be a lot different than they are.  Consequently, it causes me to question my usefulness or contribution to anything.

Like George Bailey, in the movie, It’s A Wonderful Life, I wonder if anything I have done has made any difference – Particularly for the positive.  Maybe my sister is right.  Maybe the many others, who made similar declarations, are also correct.  I want to doubt such statements, but feel hard-pressed to refute with any substantial argument.  At least, not until I get some answers and some better understanding of what the purpose really is.

Freely Received!! Freely Given??

I asked someone, whom I greatly respect, to read my posting from yesterday and to provide his opinion.  His response, “I don’t believe a word of it!”  Actually, he believed it himself.  However…His point was that others do not believe such things.

Some may believe IN them, but they just don’t believe that “I” can experience them.  Only “they” can experience such things… Or… They may believe in Jesus and have a “knowledge” of God, but do not believe in the moving of the Spirit (I can relate to this, since I have been there).  Sadly, I have to say that he is correct.  Even worse, I also have to add that this very thing is the reason for much of the beatings and abuse I have taken.  Either the person thinks I am off-my-rocker and hallucinating, or the person has experienced the same thing, but just “knows” that God would NEVER spend time with me; especially since I am a nobody.  I don’t carry a denominational diploma, or degree, or certificate of acceptance by some legal board that oversees such things.

Isn’t it sad how “religion” has literally dissected the body of Christ?  There are disconnected arms and legs and toes and fingers floating all over the world.  “You cannot get into heaven unless you are of our (fill in the blank) church or denomination.”  Why do you suppose so many who love Jesus, but do not attend church?  The ones I speak to about it are very clear – They are tired of getting beat up by pastors and congregation alike – So they retreat to the relative safety of their own home and worship and study alone.

One church I was in I heard a deacon of the church say, “We don’t want their kind in here.”  The deacon was referring to a crippled man, who came in one Sunday.  He said he was led there.  The man was one of the outcasts of society.  He was on disability but lost it because of some paperwork issues.  He had no friends and was being evicted from his home.  He suffered severely from seizures, and had many scars and open wounds to testify to the seriousness of his illness.  My heart broke for him.  I literally cried as I laid my hands on him to pray.  I felt his pain and brokenness.  He was crying out for God and for the love of God.  And the church leader said, “We don’t want his kind in here.”  I ministered to him and drove him to get boxes to pack his few belongings into.  I purchased an easy-to-read translation of the bible for him, and did what little I could do.  Even now, I recall the hurt that I felt as I touched him to pray.  Yet, this man was rejected by the church, and the “religious” leaders.

Sounds a little like something that took place 2000 years ago, doesn’t it?  I have to fight back the tears for the things I have seen – In the name of religion.  Where is the love of Christ?  Where is the unity?

Certainly, not ALL congregations are like this.  The TRUE church is alive and well and living and loving others.  I know it is, because I have met others who have the same mind of acceptance, forgiveness, and love for others – Regardless of the past of the person.  If the person has repented and God forgave them, then who am I to hold it against them?

None of us is perfected, yet.  We all are a work in progress and each at whatever level the Spirit has attained in us.  Where I am in my walk has no bearing on where another person is in their walk.  As long as we are seeking His Righteousness and not our own, let it be so, and accept and encourage one another.  Build one another in faith.  It is ok to inspect fruit but it is NOT ours to judge.  Leave that to the One who can judge fairly.

Start with a loving and accepting heart – Just like the One who maintained that heart for you, when you were yet far from Him.  There was a time when you found that forgiveness and love from God.  This is the focus of the verse: “Freely you have received; Freely you shall give.”

“Nor do I condemn thee”

Here in Your Presence

Things drew out with a slow start, as somewhat expected.  Last evening’s time of study and prayer was terrific, and followed by a morning of even greater presence.

How do I start?  Where do I begin?  I arrived Monday evening and felt empowered and energized.  Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday though, I seemed to have less and less vigor.  It felt like I was trudging through mud, and it got deeper each day.  I pressed in harder and harder.  It felt as if I could not push through.  Then, last night, things began to change a little during the study time.  I felt as if something was lifting slightly, but I still felt out of sorts and disconnected.  This is a feeling that I have felt strongly for the past few months.  It is a weight that seems to be as a millstone upon me.  It has a crushing effect.

As the study time ended, we began the usual time of individual prayer.  A person would sit in the chair, in the middle of the room, and we would come around that person and pray over them and for their needs.  This is where things began to really come to life for me.  I began to hear again.  I began to see again.  I began to really feel the presence of the Spirit of God again.  In the past few months, I have felt His wonderful presence at times, but the flow was just not there.  I felt I was slowly dying of thirst at times.  I did not know what to do.  Nothing worked.  No matter how I pressed in, I felt this weight on me; and it grew heavier and heavier.  At times I thought I could take it no longer, yet I could not press through.

Anyway, as I began to pray with the others, I sensed the Spirit leading my hands, providing the words, and showing me things that I did not expect to see (but I used to expect).  Before long, maybe in 10 minutes or so, I was again flowing much like before.  Before we were through, the Spirit had taken over again and I felt such relief that He was ministering through me and not letting me try to minister out of my own power.  When He is in charge, I can relax and just let Him do what He does.  Sometimes I heard what came from my mouth.  Sometimes I did not hear, but it was all wonderful.  I could tell God was doing the talking through me by the responses of those receiving.

As awe-inspiring as last night’s events were, this morning was even better.  I awoke and just lay there and began to speak my appreciation to God for what He had done last night, and for using me as He did.  I cannot take credit for anything more than agreeing for God to use me.  Beyond that, it is all Him.  As I expressed my gratitude, God began to minister to me.  He led my prayers and my thoughts in wonderful ways.  Words flowed that I had not even considered.  Visions came that I had not thought.  Answers came, for questions I had not asked.  Before I realized it, I had been there a couple wonderful hours.

Finally, I managed to get up and get ready for the day.  As I came back into the bedroom, I lay back again and, though fully dressed, I relaxed and just began as I had when I first awoke.  The Lord picked things up right where we left off.  The next thing I knew, it was after 12 noon.  Though I would have preferred to remain there all day, I struggled to sit up.  I sat there for a long time and just relaxed and listened to the words the Spirit spoke.  As He concluded, I wandered slowly down the stairs…totally relaxed.  The weight of the past few months was gone.  I was back where I belonged and where I longed to be.  In His Presence.

Arrived Last Evening

The trip came off without issues.  I got in about 6:30 (local time) last evening.  It was still many hours spent in the car and I am feeling the strain today.  It will pass in a couple days though.  31 hours in a car, covering over 1600 miles, and with almost 6 hours of sleep in the said car, can make one feel a bit punchy.  Add the unfortunate situation of the age (strange how I used to be able to sleep comfortably in a car) and a few other minor issues, and one can about imagine the resulting feeling of the body.  Amazingly though, I do not feel all that bad.  The excitement of being here and the anticipation of what the Lord has planned during this time brings a lifting of my spirit that overrides any physical issues.  Proverbs 17:22 – A merry heart does good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones.  It is amazing how it changes things when we feel wanted and that we have a purpose, and that we may be used to make a difference in lives – For the bettering of lives, of course.

So far, most of the time has been spent settling back in; stowing my gear and setting up my temporary office area and “moth-balling” my car, so-to-speak, since I will not likely move it for the time I am here.  Of course, there is the time spent catching up on what has been happening in lives, which really centers on “Ministry”.  We all have most of the same focus – What is God doing around us and through us and in us.  More importantly though, “What would God have us do in this time?”  We are all eager to see His plans unfold.

So, that’s about all there is to report at this point.  I expect that to change – Very soon and the anticipation is growing rapidly.

1608 Miles & 26 Hours

Those were the miles traveled and the drive time it took to get back home (Actual time in the car was 32 hours, after including a nap in the back seat at a roadside rest, between Nashville Tn. & Louisville. Ky.).  It left a lot of time for meditating and praying and worship and reflecting on what has taken place in the past 3 months.  So much has happened!  I’ll be sorting it out for a long time to come.  In this posting are some pictures of the trip home.  The night pictures were taken early in the morning at the check point about 50 miles in from the Mexican border.  The sign read that there were 73,000 lbs. of illegal drugs and 4200 illegal aliens caught since January 1 of this year.  That is only 2 ½ months.  The pictures of the overpasses are some things I snapped while going through Houston.  It is not the easiest (or the safest) thing to take pictures while driving, so I didn’t get too many pictures along the way.  Maybe I’ll be blessed with a photographer passenger on the next outing.

Serious Flood Lights and MANY Cameras on Every Vehicle Passing Through

Before going into the house, I ran down to the post office to pick up the mail.  It was there that I learned that my neighbor died last week.  This was the man who lived in the trailer.  He was in his early sixties and died of cancer.  I learned of his illness before leaving for the trip and thought different times of going over and ministering to him, but with some of the things that have happened in the past, I thought it best that I left him alone.  I pray that someone reached him, who could reach him before he passed away.  He claimed salvation but his lifestyle did not prove it out.  I’ll leave it at that.  I am not judging him, but I can say that I did not see much fruit.  And I will end with that as well.

Just a FEW of the Cameras That Can be Seen (How many are out of sight?)

My oldest son, Josh, showed up just minutes after I got into the house.  He was on his way to work at the farm across the tracks.  The conversation was not any different from any other past conversations.  I walked gently, tried to softly lay out my feelings, and guarded myself against the condemning spirit spoken in my direction.  It seems that some things will never change – But I remain hopeful.  God can do what I cannot.

I'm Next -- Any Checkpoint (Mexican and American) It is Necessary to Stop FAR Behind the One Being Inspected. To Get Too Close Makes the Border Patrol and Soldiers Uneasy at Best.

I hit the pillow about 8 o’clock last night.  The trip and everything since (unpacking and opening the house again: turning on water pump and equipment and many other chores) left me worn out.  I never got up until 11 am today!!  I knew I was tired but the blankets were barely moved from when I lay down last night.  I hardly moved a muscle for about 15 hours!!!  Now THAT is tired.

Looks Confusing to Me!

Today I spent a great deal of time still unpacking and trying to remember where things are.  It is amazing how much I forgot in three months of not being here – And this is my own home – Amazing is an understatement.  I have lived here alone for over 12 full years.  You would not think that three months away from here would erase remembering of so many things.  I had to try and remember where so many things are located and how to operate the things again.  It can be so difficult to learn things and so easy to forget them.

SO MANY CHOICES!?!

I had some errands to run and stopped to top off the fuel tank on the way home.  I stopped at the local truck stop.  Since I had not been around in three months, there was an interest in where I had been.  As I shared some things about the trip, it opened the door to minister.  The cashier was amazed and “all ears” as the saying goes.  He said that he had seen shows on TV about miracles and such things but never believed they were real.  He figured, as most do, that miracles are more of a legend or exaggeration, than truth.  He was amazed at some of the things that took place.  And I didn’t even tell about how God had brought the rain too!